


Self-Destruct

by GuildedBeanGirl



Category: Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: Can somebody please see the warning signs, Iron Man 2, Pre-Iron Man 3, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, suicidal behavior
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:15:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25623508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GuildedBeanGirl/pseuds/GuildedBeanGirl
Summary: So… he was dying. He supposes it’s some sort of karmic judgement that after he’s finally starting to get his shit together, both at Stark Industries and in his life, that he’s now going to lose it all.OR Iron Man 2 is grossly under-appreciated for how well it represented Tony's suicidal self-destructive behavior and I wanted to explore those thoughts he was facing and the pain it must've been to Tony Stark who always felt less than perfect because of his father to seem to have his low value confirmed when all of his friends missed his screams for help.
Relationships: Pepper Potts & Tony Stark
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

“Hey, Tony. Before you go. Palladium in the chest, painful way to die.”

Vankov’s parting blow hit just a little lower and harder than Tony thinks Vankov knew.  
Nine months. It had been 9 months since his kidnapping and the first arc reactor was put in his chest. Nine months of Palladium burning in his chest, and when he returned, 6 months of wondering just how much longer he had to spend with Pepper, Rhodey and Happy, and 6 months since Stane’s betrayal, filled with fear for the few people left in his life that he could trust.

That first week after he escaped his kidnappers, he ran all the calculations after creating his new arc reactor. With Yinsen’s inspiration and help, he had bought himself time. But the numbers didn’t look good. He had 12 months. Tops.

So… he was dying. He supposes it’s some sort of karmic judgement that after he’s finally starting to get his shit together, both at Stark Industries and in his life, that he’s now going to lose it all.

Oh sure, the next 6 months encompassed all those stages of grief people talk about. He tried out denial: went through every possible element and combination of elements in the periodic table to replace the palladium. They all either couldn’t power the arc reactor or shortened his time further. Actually, the anger and depression probably played a hand in those desperate days staying up for up to 3 days straight as he sought his solution.


	2. Bargaining

It was the bargaining that had finally caught someone’s attention; Pepper’s specifically.

“You donated our entire modern art collection to the Boy Scouts of America!?”   
She had been indignant as she let herself into his lab. That was good. Keeping her angry at him kept here from noticing that he was self-destructing.

And yeah, maybe the boy scouts wasn’t the most applicable charity he could’ve donated his art to, but he’d always liked the idea of the boy scouts. He was just trying to even the karmic scales a little bit.

He had another plan for that as well. He had definitely screwed up as CEO of Stark Industries. He had willingly created weapons that had been used on innocent people. He hadn’t cared about who was buying them. And even if he had cared enough about the company to see what Stane had been getting up to, he doubted his character pre-kidnapping enough that he isn’t sure if he would’ve cared. Heck, he still doubted his character.

One person he didn’t doubt though was Pepper. It may have seemed spur of the moment to her but he knew what was right now. Or he hoped he did. Even if he didn’t kill himself with the arc reactor, he definitely wasn’t the right person to be CEO. So yeah, Pepper was the right choice.  
And after he died… if he died, everything would already be in place.  
The fact that she accepted the position proved that Pepper knew what Tony already did. This wasn’t his place.


End file.
